There’s an idea in my profession that PK’s (pastor’s kids) are the worst. That gloomy thought is not the result of a well documented 30 year study but an unfair idea that somebody came up with that went viral.
Imagine nicknaming your kid ‘Bruiser’ just because he’s a big boy. Will he not grow up associating himself with aggressiveness or putting a hurting on others. It’s an unfair, unkindly mark on a kid from the time he is little.
The truth is that parents have no clue how their kids are going to turn out.
There are some parents I know (in and out of ministry) whose kids turned out without a wrinkle.
I also know godly moms and dads (in and out of ministry) who struggle with a false sense of guilt because of their dysfunctional children.
“What happened?” mom sighs. “Are those kids really mine?” Dad asks. “We must have really goofed up along the way” they both cry out in pain.
Parenting is difficult enough but it gets worse when your children’s poor choices become a big pile of regret on your shoulders. God didn’t intend for you to tote that junk around.
So how can a mom or a dad deal with such uneasy painful feelings of false guilt? Perspective!
Pastor or not, if you’re struggling in this area, I want to give you an idea, an angle on parenting that I hope helps transform your mindset. It comes from a true story.
Sometime back a very Godly dad had 2 exemplary children. He provided them with everything they needed: a great place to live, food, and unselfish love. He spent time with them and counseled them on how to enjoy life to the fullest.
But his children rebelled against his advice and acted opposite to his counsel. Sadly, when they went down in a mess they took a whole bunch of others down with them.
You may have guessed that the dad I’m referring to is God… now hang in there with me for a few more moments.
God’s first kids, Adam and Even, messed up when the pair on the ground ate the apple on the tree. And as a result their disobedience was passed on to their kids. Then one day one of them, Cain, killed his brother Abel in anger.
What a heartache and disappointment for the parents!
Now I want to ask you a question which answer may change your life,
Was God a poor daddy to Adam and Eve? The answer is a resounding “NO.” Was He a bad grandpa?” Absolutely not.
God was the perfect Father but He was raising children who leaned towards the wrong… just like you and me.
Let that sink in for a moment. The kids wrongful behavior was not the perfect Dad’s doing.
All I’m saying is that you can be the best mom or dad in the world and yet have children who don’t chose to follow your leading and training. Remember that it also happened to God.
If you gave your children your best don’t let their poor decisions rob you from they joy of guilt free parenting.
Your heart may still hurt as you continue to pray for them and point them in the right direction but guilt should not be part of your equation.
God has a plan. Trust Him. Trust your children to the Lord as well and rest in Him.
How has trusting God helped you in your difficult situations?
wow is all I can say to this!!!
When our daughter was going through a rebellious stage during her pre-teen and teen years, my wife and I decided that we would remain a ‘united front’, and not allow our kid to play one of us against the other. If my wife and I did disagree on a specific issue, we would discuss it in private, figure out how we were going to handle it, THEN let our daughter know what our decision was.
Within these parameters or boundaries, parents still can exercise flexibility as long as they agree to stand united; that is crucial.
The absolute most important decision we made during this time, however, was giving all this up to the Lord; trusting Him to get all of us through this difficult time. Was it easy? No! My daughter and I seemed to clash almost every day. But when I was weak, my wife was strong, and when she was weak, I was strong; and despite all the arguments with my teenage daughter, there was always this under-lying feeling of reassurance. I knew it was going to be ok, because Jesus Christ is ALWAYS STRONG!
Jorge, I agree with you completely. Parents feel too much unnecessary guilt. Despite what we do as parents, our kids are still going to make unwise choices in their lives. Hopefully they learn from the consequences of those rash decisions. We still love them, and we still pray for them regardless of the mistakes they make.
And as we lean heavily on God’s Word, we realize and are reassured that all of us are firmly in the grip of our Almighty Father! “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it.” PROVERBS 22:6
Great word, Jim. Thanks.
WOW, had to read this one more time, Gee I never thought about God being a dad and perhaps the hurt and disappointment He may have felt. Definitely food for thought. Thank You Pastor and may God continue to Bless you.
Thank you Pat. We’ve got to keep those wheels in our minds turning.
Very good post. I definitely appreciate this site. Stick with it!
Thanks for the encouragement!